I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
