Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
