y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
