I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
