I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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