We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
