So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
