Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
