he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dignity is for republicans.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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