my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
