I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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