Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
