Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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