dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize