bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
