i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize