I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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