yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
