she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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