i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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