Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
