I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
