Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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