I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
