when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
