I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
