We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
