Im at strip club and am horny
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
