I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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