Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
