based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
