Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
