if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
