whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
