We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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