Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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