He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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