Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
