Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
