Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I touched a dick in church today
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
