Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
