I hate your face
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
