i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
