I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
