I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the day after is always just damage control
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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