The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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