you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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