I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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