his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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