I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
