Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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