I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
