A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
