Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
