i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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