Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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