I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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