Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
