if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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