yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
