If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Your cock deserves a montage
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize