i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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