Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
