i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
