I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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