I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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