My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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