It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
