i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Where is the hickey?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
