the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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