Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
