I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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