If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
