Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
