all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
