the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
